Lost Love
by ForTheLoveOfNargles
Summary: The hunt for the resurrection stone post-war and the consequences when it is found, based around Severus' remaining love for Lily and Hermione's insistence that he must let her go, resulting in a surprising romance.
1. The Resurrection Stone

**The Resurrection Stone**

Severus Snape entered the forbidden forest with only one thing on his mind; finding the resurrection stone.

A few hours earlier Voldemort, in a violent but ineffective attempt to murder Severus, had taken the one move that Snape had been prepared for. Unbeknownst to the dark wizard, his victim had foreseen his use of Nagini and therefore had a vial of freshly brewed snake venom cure hidden in the depths of his robe. Severus had made his final effort to help Potter defeat the Dark Lord and then, in a cowardly action that he would later regret, despite the positive outcome of the war, feigned his own death. Once he was sure that the boy was gone he took the potion, wincing slightly at the distinctive taste of rose thorn and eye of newt and at the pain coursing through his body after the snake's attack. The potion was a cruel one, it would be an hour or so before it took effect and left him writhing in pain for the most of it but he endured it all for one simple reason, Lily.

One day, many years ago, he and Lily had lain side by side on the soft grass of a spring meadow near a glistening lake. He could remember it as if it were yesterday; her radiant red hair like flames in the sunlight, her pale, freckled skin glowing in an almost mystical way and her rose coloured lips turned up in a stunning smile, one that would haunt him for years to come. The memory of her, bounding weightlessly about his head since his first sight of her, reminded him that if he had made her aware of the passion of his regard for her, if he had been just that fragment more obvious in his love, she would most probably be alive now and he would not be the bitter, revengeful man he now was. In that field, on that day, she had said the words that had kept him going since her death. They raged through his mind like a forceful storm every time he even considered giving up and gave him the strength to fight whatever ill he faced. Those words were as follows;

"Severus, dear, you have the strength to fight back and win the _honourable _way, not with your fists but with your _mind_, whether you choose to use this power or not is your decision but let me tell you one thing; I will always be here for you."

Snape returned to Hogwarts an hour later, his strength lesser than before but not completely vanished. The sight that met him was one of destruction but with an undertone of victory, the best kind of victory, one accomplished by the good and abolishing the evil. He knelt behind a piece of stone wall that must once have been part of the entranceway to Hogwarts and watched the triumphant trio bask in their glory, walking away from the scene of ruin and discussing the happenings of the last few hours. The only girl of the three, Hermione Granger, spoke in an excited tone, barely able to contain the pure emotion in her heart.

"You mean the _resurrection stone_ was _in the snitch_? And you just _dropped_ it?"

Harry nodded, not quite sharing her enthusiasm for the trauma of this day. The other boy spoke in a voice that bordered on anger, frustrated at his friends dismissal of such an important object.

"Aren't you going to go back for it?"

Snape didn't hear the reply because he was too rapt by the previous revelation. He was all too aware of what the resurrection stone would bring; Lily. It had been so long and he was so absolutely in love with her that he was blinded to anything other than the thought that he might be able to see her again and that pushed him forwards in a direction that he never would have gone for anyone else. He disapparated into the dark depths of the forbidden forest and began his search.


	2. The Finding

A/N: Okay, so I haven't written a fanfic in almost a year but now I'm applying to uni soon I really need to practice writing because I'm hoping to do an English literature and creative writing course and you need a portfolio for it so yeah, reviews would be very helpful if you don't mind because I really need tips to help improve my writing so thank you in advance and I hope you enjoy this!

**The Finding**

Severus searched for the resurrection stone day and night, often stumbling over branches and catching his cloak in his eagerness to observe a shiny object in the leaves of the forest floor that turned out to be just a rock, but he could not possibly think of giving up. The forbidden forest was surprisingly quiet, there was not a rustling of the leaves nor a blowing of the breeze, not to mention the silence of its many inhabitants. It was almost as if everything was in hiding and that disconcerted him but he had no more time to think of this as just at that moment he came across a large clearing. The air smelt of dark magic and the ground had been trampled on carelessly, making this look more like a war zone than a part of the forest. He could still feel the horrid presence of the Dark Lord and it took everything he had not to run away to safety. All he wanted to do was return to Hogwarts, to his dungeon, and lock the door but he knew he needed to be strong, for Lily, for himself.

He knew he was close, it was most likely that Harry had used the resurrection stone moments before confronting Voldemort so it should be within the dense forest surrounding the clearing. Just then he heard a whispering from the trees and, without thinking, went to investigate. He peered in through the dense foliage and spotted an old elf, one he recognised from Hogwarts kitchen, sitting on a tree stump and looking up at an invisible being in front of him. The elf's grey beard reached the floor, the tip touching his tiny brown boots which rhythmically knocked against the old wood of the tree stump. His creased face was brightened by a tired smile and a single tear fell down his small cheek. He spoke in a small but heartfelt voice to whoever stood in front of him but all Snape could see was the small black stone held in his hand.

"Darling, I never forgot about you, you know, never."

Snape took a step towards him in an attempt to get closer to the object he had come here for. Dead leaves crunched under his footfall, giving him away, and the elf took his eyes from his beloved long enough to notice the Professor standing in the darkness with a gleam of longing in his eyes.

"Oh hello Professor, I didn't see you there. Here, I'd like you to meet my beautiful Edith, Edith this is a professor at Hogwarts, you remember him? He saved me from the captivity of the Malfoy's, remember? All to impress a girl I reckon, whatever happened to her, Professor?"

But Snape didn't hear a word that the elf had spoken, his eyes were simply on the small stone that would bring him everything he had wished for and nothing would get in his way, _nothing_.

"Do you know what that is, Hampy?"

The elf looked astonished but his face brightened even more.

"You remember my name, Professor? Why I thought..."

Severus was in no mood to continue this conversation and he took the front of the elf's ragged pillow case dress in his hand, holding him up so they were at eye level. All joy disappeared from the elf's wide eyes and was replaced by fear but this was of no consequence to Snape, he wanted one thing and one thing only and didn't care how he got it.

"Give. It. To. Me."

He said in a quiet but authoritative voice, expecting the elf to comply as usual but to his surprise, he didn't.

"Please, sir, my Edith..."

"GIVE IT TO ME."

Severus screamed and Hampy began to sob, filling the cold air around him with loud howls of emotion. His small hand fell open and the stone fell to the hard ground silently. Snape was about to throw the elf aside when a voice stopped him. He recognised it immediately, the loud scream of an indignant child, an insufferable know it all, one Hermione Granger.

"STOP! PUT HIM DOWN!"

Snape reluctantly lowered the elf to the ground and the second he let the dirty cotton of his 'clothes' go, Hampy ran as fast as he could through the forbidden forest, still wailing as he went. Severus pulled down his sleeve and picked the stone up with the cloth; he didn't want to have the intolerable girl around when he saw his first and only love again. The girl, spotting this, spoke in a calmer but still irate voice.

"What did you just pick up?"

He said nothing, she had no right to know and he had no intention of telling her but they both knew she wouldn't accepted this. Hermione took a few steps closer to him and held her hand out to take whatever he had but he put his hands behind his back.

"I don't know what you're talking about, now shouldn't you be rejoicing at your recent victory?"

She sighed and looked at him with the uncloaked distain that he now expected of her.

"I know this is probably difficult for you to understand but we have lost far too much for this to be counted as a victory."

Her eyes widened as she realised how stupid she had been not to realise the most shocking thing about this reunion.

"But Professor, _you're dead_!"


	3. The Letters

**The Letters**

There was a moment's silence in which Severus tried to think of how to explain the events leading up to this moment in a way that would make him seem less cowardly but, on not finding the right words, unwillingly resorted to the sarcasm that he was used to.

"Clearly not."

Hermione was about to ask what had happened when she heard Ron's voice echoing through the dense forest, screaming her name so loudly that she jumped slightly, expecting to be drawn into yet another fight. She turned to Snape urgently, forgetting for a moment about the many questions running through her mind in order to save Ron from any more distress.

"Quick, hide it."

She hissed and he did as he was told, although he would later wonder why he had obeyed the child's orders. Just as he dropped the stone into his pocket, the red haired boy appeared and pulled Hermione into his arms, relieved to have found her, then turned to the man who had been standing with his girlfriend. His eyes widened as he recognised the professor who he had seen die only a few hours ago but, before he could ask what had happened, Hermione grabbed his arm and began to drag him away.

"But Hermione..."

She gave him a look that instructed him to be quiet, and Snape a look that told him this wasn't over.

A few days later Snape received a letter. He heard a sharp knock and when he opened the small door of his dingy house hidden in the smoky depths of Spinner's End, the bright white letter floated at his eye level. He closed the door, knowing who it would be from and having no interest in reading it, but when he turned around it appeared in front of him again. He batted it away but it wouldn't budge and, after five minutes of it following him around the house, he gave in. His address was written in elegant script on the front of the envelope and the inside held a short but terrifying note.

_Professor Snape,_

_This letter will follow you until you reply to it. I'm going to ask you once and once only, what happened?_

_Hermione Granger._

He sighed at her persistence but did as he was told, although clearly not in the way that she had expected or wanted. He sat down at his old writing desk, took out his quill and a piece of parchment and quickly scrawled down the following:

_Miss Granger,_

_I have absolutely no intention of telling you the details of my private life, nor should you be asking them. Just because you are no longer one of my students you have no right to pry. Now if you would kindly get on with your life and keep your nose out of other people business it would be very much appreciated._

_Severus Snape._

He sealed the letter, wrote the return address on the front and let it fly away of its own accord. The letter she had sent him dropped and he kicked it under the wardrobe, forgetting about the incident immediately due to the object sitting patiently on his bedside table, waiting for him. He had not touched it yet, perhaps out of fear that after all these years she wouldn't love him back or perhaps because he knew he would never be able to let her go and he would simply waste away with her by his side, although this sounded perfect to him at the moment. He approached it, closing his eyes as he wrapped his hand around the small, unyielding stone. Nothing in the air changed, there was no notable difference when his eyes were closed and that surprised him, he had expected something of such immense power to be more... well, powerful. This thought flew from his mind, however, when he opened his eyes and saw her standing before him, her vibrant hair just as he remembered it, her eyes, identical to her sons but with a vital difference in temperament, gleaming in the dull light of his room and her skin pale with a translucent glow about it. Every inch of her was perfect, the same as she always had been, but no smile brightened her face, she was back but she did not seem _happy_ about it. She spoke her first words since she had returned and they were not what he had wanted to hear at all but that didn't matter for the moment because it was her voice, her perfect voice, filling the air like a beam of sunlight, a glimmer of hope, everything he had been waiting for.

"Where is my Harry? Is he okay?"

"Yes, he's fine, but Lily, I'm here, I'm..."

He stood before her, his mouth open, tears running down his face, with nothing more to say. She didn't care, Lily _didn't care_, she wanted her son not him. He fell to his knees, his hand still tightly closed around the resurrection stone with a resolute hope that things would change and his eyes closed as he gasped for air. There was silence for a minute or two and then she spoke again in an almost silent whisper.

"I _am_ happy to see you Severus, so happy."

He looked up at her, his eyes still full of tears, a broken man completely under her spell. His hand reached up to stroke her face but before it touched her translucent skin, there was another sharp rap on the door. He attempted to ignore it but the moment was gone and she was backing away from him.

"I'll be back."

He whispered before placing the stone back on the table and moving towards the door, not turning to see the room empty without her.


	4. The Visit

**The Visit**

Severus wiped the tears from his eyes and attempted to reinstate his usual contemptuous glare but the thought of Lily prevented this from happening and so he settled for a more accurate, slightly frustrated at being disturbed glower and slowly opened the heavy door.

There stood, surprise surprise, Hermione Granger. It couldn't have been more than five minutes since he had sent his reply yet there she was, nosy as ever, expecting an explanation to something that had absolutely nothing to do with her. How _dare_ she interrupt his time with Lily, how _dare_ she turn up at his door step expecting him to welcome her with open arms, that insolent girl, that insufferable swine. He had never felt more disdain towards anyone in his entire life and then she spoke and somehow his anger simply withered away as quickly as it had come, replaced by a distant feeling of irritation. Her face held a sort of unwanted knowledge that she would do anything to get rid of and when she spoke her voice broke slightly, although he wouldn't find out why until much later.

"Professor?"

That was all she had to say to force a justification from him. More than anything he _wanted _to tell someone and, however much he didn't want to admit it, she was probably the most likely to be at least somewhat civil towards him, which was more than could be said for the other two. He spoke with a sort of desperation that she could see in the depths of black eyes and his sallow cheeks, the kind of infinite sadness that never goes away no matter how much time passes.

"I had given him everything he needed to defeat Voldemort, there was nothing more I could do in the state I was in, all I could do was wait for the cure to set in, surely you can understand?"

He didn't quite know why he needed her approval and neither did she but she gave it to him nonetheless, hating to see the man who had been so detestably strong as long as she could remember falling apart so completely.

"Of course..."

It was a moment or two before she found the courage to say what she was thinking but she was nothing if not courageous.

"But the resurrection stone, sir, I think..."

His low voice vibrated threateningly through the small amount of air between them and stopped her in her tracks; there was no way he would give up Lily for any reason whatsoever and he had to make this clear.

"Nothing you say will change my mind, Miss Granger, and it's not your concern so if you'll please..."

He tried to close the door but she put her foot out, now pleading with him in her soft, angelic way.

"I know how much Lily meant to you, sir, and I know how hard it must be to let her go..."

He interrupted her once again in a tone that left no room for dispute.

"No, you don't, because if you truly understood you wouldn't ask me to. Now Miss Granger, if you would kindly remove your foot from my doorway it would be very much appreciated."

She did as he said but not before whispering in a low, threatening voice.

"I'll be back tomorrow, you can count on that."

He could not find it within himself to be afraid, she was, after all, many, many years younger than him and much less powerful but still he felt a distinct sense of dreadful anticipation that would simply not go away, however hard he tried to force it to. Only one person could make this feeling go away completely; Lily. He ran up the stairs two at a time, all sense of dignity and pride gone with the prospect of seeing Lily whenever he wished. The cold, hard stone was held within his hand in seconds and she stood in front of him once again, her sad eyes staring into his and her soft voice speaking almost instantly with a desperate longing that was not directed at him.

"Where is my Harry, Sev? Where is he?"

Snape sighed slightly but answered her question with the growing awareness that he would always be second best to the golden boy, but also the understanding that it was better to have her and be second best than not to have her at all.

"He's safe, Lily, he won."

She smiled for the first time since he had brought her back and the cause of this happiness was meaningless to him because she was _happy_.

"I thought he was going to die, Sev, oh I'm so infinitely glad, will you tell me what happened?"

And so the next few hours were spent explaining everything he knew about Harry's life so far, starting at his first year and ending a few days ago. Although the boy was thoroughly detestable to him, it was so worth it to see Lily's face when he spoke of her son, her joy at giving life to such a heroic boy. It was hard for Severus to speak in Harry's favour, seeing the events of the last seven years in the boys eyes rather than his own but by the end of it he had tears in his eyes because, after all this time, his protecting the boy had finally paid off as without it he wouldn't have the resurrection stone and consequently wouldn't have Lily.

When the story ended, a sad mask fell over her face again and she spoke in an almost whisper, one that Severus would wish he hadn't heard.

"I want to see him."


	5. The Plea

**The Plea**

Hermione reappeared at his door early the next morning as promised and was met with a reluctant dignity that surprised her immensely. Severus appeared even more troubled than he had yesterday, one look at his tired eyes revealed that he hadn't slept a wink since she had last seen him and a quick glance at his haggard face made it clear that he had been crying. The strong, stone statue that had once been Severus Snape was now reduced to a pile of rubble, unable to be rebuilt without his cooperation which he would certainly not give at this moment in time. In that second she decided that she would do whatever it took to restore this exhausted old man to his former glory, even if that meant returning him to the cruel, emotionless man he had previously been and that meant one thing – taking the stone.

Severus, however, had other things on his mind. He didn't want to see Harry again, in fact that was the last thing he wanted, but he really had no choice as making Lily happy was the only thing on his mind right now. The reason he had accepted Hermione into his house was so that he could persuade her to bring Harry to him. Although he knew that she would hassle him to give Lily up, he had to put his faith in her caring nature and hope wholeheartedly that she would consent to help him with as little cost to his own happiness as was possible. He knew in the depths of his cold, tragically misused heart that he was wishing for the impossible but this was his only shot.

Hermione had been sat down on his uncomfortable black armchair for no more than a minute, paralysed by the shock of being invited inside, when Severus spoke in a low murmur, trying to hide all of his overwhelming emotions from the insufferable girl.

"Before you speak you must know that I have absolutely no intention of listening to your opinions on my acquiring of the stone. The only reason I have invited you inside is because I have a favour to ask."

The only thing that was more shocking than being invited into Snape's house was him admitting that he needed help. A slight hope that he might actually _want _to be free of Lily entered her mind momentarily but was immediately obliterated when he spoke again in his low, emotionally reserved murmur.

"I need to see Mr Potter."

It took her a moment or two to understand why this was essential but when she did, she couldn't help but give him a sympathetic glance that he rejected with the utmost disdain. Before he could make it clear that he would not be accepting any pity, she spoke the two words that made his heart leap out of his chest.

"For Lily?"

There was nothing he could do but nod silently, hoping that she would understand the extent to which he needed this and grant him one favour after the years he had spent protecting her best friend but there was a nagging voice inside his head that told him she wouldn't do what he said, she had after all believed him to be the enemy up until a few days ago. The only thing he hadn't anticipated was her not answering at all. Instead she said something completely unexpected which filled his heart with fear and a distinct sense of anger.

"Harry showed me your memories."

She must have sensed his irritation and so continued swiftly in her friends defence.

"No, I insisted, I had to see for myself to truly believe that you were the hero he was adamant that you were. Professor..."

"Not professor. I hope to never work in that God forsaken place again."

She was taken aback by how quickly he could dismiss his sixteen years at Hogwarts but after the events of the last few months she could hardly blame him so she made no comment on his decision, knowing her opinion would have no impact either way.

"Sorry, sir..."

Severus sighed, frustrated by her unyielding good manners, but this would have to do for the time being. He was about to return to the subject of Harry when she spoke once again, resolute that she had to express her opinion on the matter of his protection of Harry before another subject was broached.

"I think what you did for Harry, for all of us, was the most heroic thing that I've ever seen. I can't believe that all these years we thought you were our biggest threat when in fact you were our most vital ally, but that's all said and done now and I know you don't need reminding of it. The one thing I am curious about is Lily, after all these years, why?"

She hadn't expected a reply so when she received one, she was ultimately shocked, possibly as shocked as he was. His mouth had formed the answer before he had registered who had asked the question because it seemed so starkly obvious to him.

"Love."

The word was followed by a drawn out pause in which he regretted speaking and she tried to understand the impact of love on her former professor's life. She wondered briefly whether she would go to these lengths for Ron and a quiet voice in the back of her head told her that she would not. The conversation had taken a turn that neither of them had expected and the only way to get past this was to pretend that it had never happened. Hermione broke the prolonged pause by finally addressing his first plea for help.

"So, Harry."


	6. The Memories

**The Memories**

She froze as the loud crash of a front door exploding open filled the cold air. In that moment the world seemed to slow down around her. It was an awful feeling of endless sadness mingled with a desperate longing for her baby to be safe. Moments like those, heart sinking, thought stopping, tear inducing seconds, are what every person fears. Not being able to think of anything to say, not being able to think a minute past the present, knowing that in a moment everything's going to change and you can't do anything about it. A clock ticked in the background, infinitely slower than normal, and cars flew past the frosty window, catching a glimpse of the shattered door briefly but not caring enough to stay, forgetting about the destruction in an instant, a luxury she wished for eternally. She sat Harry down in his cot, knowing she would never hold him in her arms again and having to fight the urge to run; there was no running from Voldemort. A deep scream echoed through the hallways of the small house and she could think nothing but '_I'm next'_. Mourning for her husband would be futile; she'd be joining him in a few minutes, it was her small son, the boy she knew would survive any attack after what was about to happen, who needed her love right now. With tears in her eyes she knelt down opposite him, whispering repeatedly about how much she loved him, hoping this would be enough and wishing for the impossible; that he would remember her. Most of all, she wished she could go back in time, be more careful, or run further, try harder to keep her baby safe but it was too late now. The door to her room smashed open and she stood up quickly, blocking Voldemort's path to her son. Her eyes met his with a silent attempt at bravery, she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of winning, he had too much of that, this would happen on her terms. Her final thought was of Harry, his eyes so like hers and the jet black hair already settled in a wide tangle on top of his little childlike face reminding her so much of her husband. She had the most wonderful hopes for him; he would be quiddich captain as well as a diligent student and a loyal friend. He would be universally loved and admired, boys would want to be him and girls would want to be with him, although none of them would ever be good enough. The only heart-wrenching part was that she wouldn't be there to see him grown up. There was nothing more she could do and, after refusing an offer of her life for her son's, a flash of green light surrounded her and there was nothing more, only the slightly delayed ticking of the clock remained.

Harry arrived a few minutes before one o'clock, eager to find out why his old professor was so desperate to see him but still slightly afraid of the man whom he had considered an enemy until a few days ago. He rang the bell twice before the door slowly opened to reveal a significantly withered away Severus Snape. With no idea what to say in this situation, Harry nodded his head slightly and murmured his form of greeting.

"Sir."

The only reply he received was a slight inclination of Snape's hand, suggesting that he was to enter. Harry took a hesitant step into the dusty house, expecting to be hexed at any second but insistent that he shouldn't let this fear show. Luckily, Snape had other things on his mind. As Harry sat carefully on the edge of a large armchair, ready to leap up at any moment, Snape patted the pocket of his cloak and, sure enough, felt the reassuring presence of the resurrection stone. Pacing up and down the small room, out of view from Harry's seat, Severus began to talk in his smooth, terrifying voice and Harry felt like he was once again being reprimanded by a professor rather than appealed to by a man in need.

"Mr Potter, you are no doubt curious as to why I summoned you here today..."

Harry almost expected this to be proceeded by an account of his last episode of bad behaviour; if any teacher was to continue their scolding after their student had left, it would be Snape. Soon, however, it became apparent that the object of his being called upon was concerning a much different matter indeed.

"Recently I have... obtained an object... well, that is, I need your help in a matter that is out of my control."

"Anything."

Harry replied, regretting it instantly but knowing that, after all the man had done for him, this was the least he could give him in return.

"That's very... noble of you. But you must understand that speaking of this to anyone will result in..."

"What is it, sir?"

Severus was not used to being interrupted in such an impertinent way but he was aware of how indebted he would be to the boy after today and just the thought of Lily's face, smiling once again, sobered his anger instantly. Without another word, he withdrew the stone from his pocket, the cold, hard feel of it sending a shiver down his spine. Lily instantly appeared before him but it was Harry whom her eyes fell on instantly. A grin spread across her face, one he hadn't seen in so many years, one that he longed to see forever.

"See Lily, my darling, he's alive, he's well, you can be happy."

She did not seem to hear his words but Harry jumped up and turned to see the small, dark stone he had held only once in his old professor's grasp.

"Professor..."

But the man's eyes were fixed on the empty space by the door, ignoring the boy completely. Harry took one step towards him, holding his hand out even though he knew that he was fighting a losing battle.

"Give it to me."

Despite his attempt at sounding assertive, he knew that nothing he said would convince Severus. The only option was standing outside under his invisibility cloak but, however sure he was of her capability, he was reluctant to bring his best friend into something of this calibre. She had seemed upset when she asked him to see Snape, although she wouldn't tell him why, and surely she wasn't aware of the extent of the problem. However, as cowardly as it seemed, Harry wasn't willing, no, not _able_, to resolve this himself and so, with one final look at the empty space where his mother supposedly stood, he gathered himself and left the dusty, unwelcoming house in search of someone who could.


End file.
